Janis: Wow, Damien, you've truly out-gayed yourself.

Regina: I gave him everything... I was half a virgin when I met him!

Cady: I have this theory, that if you cut off all her hair she'd look like a British man.

Cady: I know it may look like I was being like a bitch, but that's only because I was acting like a bitch.

Mrs. George: Hey, you guys! Happy hour is from four to six!

Cady: Um, is there alcohol in this?

Mrs. George: Oh, God, honey, no! What kind of mother do you think I am? Why, do you want a little bit? Because if you're going to drink I'd rather you do it in the house.

Cady: Ms. Norbury had us write out apologies to people we'd hurt in our lives.

Michigan Girl: Alyssa, I'm sorry I called you a gap-toothed bitch. It's not your fault you're so gap-toothed.

Regina: I know, right?

Regina: Let me tell you something about Janis Ian. We were best friends in middle school. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even...whatever. So then in eighth grade, I started going out with my first boyfriend Kyle, who was totally gorgeous but then he moved to Indiana, and Janis was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I would blow her off to hang out with Kyle, she'd be like, "Why didn't you call me back?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" So then for my birthday party, which was an all-girls pool party, I was like, "Janis, I can't invite you, because I think you're a lesbian." I mean I couldn't have a lesbian at my party. There were gonna be girls there in their bathing suits! I mean, right? She was a lesbian! So then her mom called my mom and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then she dropped out of school because no one would talk to her, and she came back in the fall for high school, all of her hair was cut off and she was totally weird, and now I guess she's on crack.

Gretchen: I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me... but I can't help it that I'm so popular.

Weirdly religious child: And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle...so that Man could fight off the dinosaurs... And the homosexuals.

Chorus of siblings: A-men!

Gretchen Weiners: Maybe she feels weird about me because I'm the only one that knows about her nose job. Oh my God, pretend you didn't hear that!

Aaron: Your face smells like peppermint.

Janis: What is that smell?

Cady: Oh, Regina gave me some perfume.

Janis: You smell like a baby prostitute.

Cady: Thanks.

Janis: Regina George... How do I begin to explain Regina George?

Emma Gerber: Regina George is flawless.

Mathlete Tim Pak: I hear her hair's insured for $10,000.

Amber D'Alessio: I hear she does car commercials... in Japan.

Kristen Hadley: Her favorite movie is Varsity Blues.

Short Girl: One time she met John Stamos on a plane...

Jessica Lopez: - And he told her she was pretty.

Bethany Byrd: One time she punched me in the face... it was awesome.

Karen: You know who's looking fine tonight? Seth Mosakowski.

Gretchen: Okay, you did not just say that.

Karen: What? He's a good kisser.

Gretchen: He's your cousin.

Karen: Yeah, but he's my first cousin.

Gretchen: Right.

Karen: So, you have your cousins, and then you have your first cousins, and then you have your second cousins...

Gretchen: No, honey, uh-uh.

Karen: That's not right, is it?

Gretchen: That is so not right.

Gretchen: That is so fetch!

Regina: Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!

Shane Oman: Why are you eating a Kalteen bar?

Regina: I'm starving.

Shane Oman: Man, I hate those things. Coach Carr makes us eat those when we want to move up a weight class.

Regina: What?

Shane Oman: They make you gain weight like crazy.

Regina: Motherf...[spits out bar and screams].

Cady: Regina said she'll talk to Aaron. And now she is. How can Janis hate her? She's such a good... SLUT!

Regina: Ma'am, do you have this in the next size up?

Saleslady: Sorry, we only carry sizes 1, 3, and 5. You could try Sears.

Damian: She's fabulous, but she's evil.

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