Brick Tamland: I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded.
Champ Kind: Tell me about it, this morning, I woke up and I shit a squirrel, but what I can't get is the damn thing is still alive. So now, I've got a shit covered squirrel running around my office and I don't know what to name it.
Brick Tamland: O, I'm sorry champ, I think I ate your chocolate squirrel.
Veronica Corningstone: I told you that I wanted to be an anchor...
Ron Burgundy: I thought you were kidding. I thought it was a joke. I even wrote it down in my diary - Veronica had a very funny joke today. I laughed about it later that night.
Brian Fantana: That was one crazy party. I am hung over.
Champ Kind: I woke up on the floor of some Japanese family's rec room, and they would NOT stop screaming.
Brick Tamland: I ate a big, red candle.
Ron Burgundy: I'm gonna punch you in the ovary, that's what I'm gonna do. A straight shot. Right to the babymaker.
Ron Burgundy: I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal.
Veronica Corningstone: Really.
Ron Burgundy: People know me.
Veronica Corningstone: Well, I'm very happy for you.
Ron Burgundy: I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.
Veronica Corningstone: Oh Ron, there are literally thousands of other men that I should be with instead, but I am 72 percent sure that I love you.
Champ Kind: What's it like, Ron?
Ron Burgundy: The intimate times? Outta sight, my man.
Brian Fantana: No, the other thing - love.
Brick Tamland: Yeah, what is that?
Ron Burgundy: I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly...
Ron Burgundy: I'm in a glass case of emotion!
Brick Tamland: I love...carpet. I love...desk.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, are you just looking at things in the office and saying that you love them?
Brick Tamland: I love lamp.
Ron Burgundy: Do you really love the lamp, or are you just saying it because you saw it?
Brick Tamland: I love lamp. I love lamp.
Frank Vitchard: I am gonna straight-up murder your ass.
Brick Tamland: I don't know what we're yelling about!
Ron Burgundy: Last time I looked in the dictionary, my name's Ron Burgundy. What's your name?
Brian Fantana: Brian Fantana.
Champ Kind: Champ Kind.
Brick Tamland: Brian Fantana.
Brian Fantana: No, you're Brick.
Brick Tamland: Brian.
Brian Fantana: I'm Brian.
Brick Tamland: Veronica.
Announcer: You're watching Channel 4 News, with five time Emmy award winning anchor Ron Burgundy, and Tits McGee.
Veronica: Good evening, San Diego. I'm Veronica Corningstone. Tits McGee is on vacation.
Ron: And I'm Tits... I'm Ron Burgundy.
Veronica: Mr. Burgundy, you have a massive erection.
Ron: Oh yeah, about that, it's probably just the pants, I was meaning to take them back to the, uh, pants store.
Veronica Corningstone: For the entire Channel 4 news team, I'm Veronica Corningstone.
Ron Burgundy: And I'm Ron Burgundy. Go fuck yourself, San Diego.
Ron Burgundy: Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean that really got out of hand fast!
Brian Fantana: It jumped up a notch.
Ron Burgundy: It did, didn't it?
Brick Tamland: Yea, I stabbed a man in the heart.
Ron Burgundy: I saw that! Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?
Brick Tamland: Yea, there were horses and a man on fire and I killed a guy with a trident.
Ron Burgundy: Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safe house or a relative close by because you're probably wanted for murder.